Monday, December 14, 2009

Green Tea Disease

There's a disease I must warn others about. It's worse than the piggy-flu and much more nasty than any little bug found out there. It's the Green Tea Disease. Now, I like green tea. As Tea. I like healthy food and some "hippie" food too. I honestly like tofu. BUT there is a line. And I inadvertently wandered into the dark side a few weeks ago and needed to share.

I came home from a busy day and needed to make things for a party at work. So I threw some stuff together and while I was whipping stuff up in the kitchen, I found a box stuck way back in the cupboard that was "Green Tea Muffin Mix". It doesn't sound appealing, but it only takes an egg, some water and oil, so I thought why the hell not? It required the same amount of temperature and time as something else that was going in the oven, so why not kill ( or create) two birds (or goodies) with one stone (or stove)?

I popped the liquid ingredients together and then opened the bag *shivers of horror* I was skeptical looking at the box, but smelling the aroma off the dry mix alone sent me into nauseated waves of serious doubt. Since I had already mixed the liquid ingredients (that could not be used for anything else) there was no loss if I went ahead and made them. I tentatively gave a nod to the hope they would turn out better once they cooked. Mixing the wet and dry stuff together was a little more horrific. The mix turned a baby puke green and smelled like...well...what green baby puke would smell like if it was packed with decaying powdery plumes of clay.

Sometime later I peek in the oven and try to not inhale the fumes erupting from the muffin tin. I did facebook and blog type things waiting for them to cook. And cook they did. I pulled them out of the oven and I was *this close* to throwing them away without trying one. I didn't want to try them. But I wanted to know how they tasted. Dilemma time. So I stared at them for a long time. I have Paul, who can't smell very well, so I thought about just giving him one to be my little guinea pig. But decided since I love him I couldn't put him through that without some sort of warning, especially if it made him ill. So I put them in a bag on the counter and stared at them for a while.

Paul meandered in from his den into the kitchen, something that typically happens when I bake. Suddenly there are people right there as soon as the cookies, or bars, or whatever come out of the oven. I was poking tentatively at what I considered "the green abominations" and looked at him.

"They're Green Tea Muffins from the back of the cupboard. I can't try one - it smells too hideous. Nauseating" (See how I'm very clear on my position, letting him know that since _I_ will not eat it, he is under no obligation to.)

He shrugged and said he'd try one. Brave!

After taking a bite he looks at the muffin and then at me. "Tastes like a muffin," he said. "A little odd, but like a muffin."

I squinted suspiciously at him.

He raised the muffin towards my face and I took a sniff of the bitten part. Shivering in disgust, I pulled sharply back and said, "It smells nauseating."

Shrugging, he sauntered back into his den with a muffin in one hand a fresh seven layer bar (Which turned out nicely) on a plate in the other. There is something to be said about a less than sensitive nose.

This has got to be one of the first times I've made something I'll let other people eat without eating myself. But somehow, my self-preservation instincts let me be ok with that. So, in the future, I warn ye wary eaters - Green Tea Muffins = Green Tea Disease.


  1. Poison lady! I can't believe you would inflict such a thing on your guy. I'm going to tell him. (oh wait, you put it in your blog for the whole world to see).. well.. it still sounds just wrong! (and I love green tea)

  2. Next time I'm in Seattle to visit, you can bet I'll be waiting until you take a bite of something you've made before I do! Great Grandma always said, you can't trust a cook who won't eat her (or his) own cooking...