Follow the symptoms
back to the source.
To understand
how to correct
the erred paths
that the body
and mind
have taken.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
What Feeling Better Feels Like
Watching sunrises
over mountains in the distance
from a penthouse window.
While the smell of coffee brewing
wafts over from the kitchen,
and music plays in my ears.
Thank you,
Universe,
for all you've given me.
over mountains in the distance
from a penthouse window.
While the smell of coffee brewing
wafts over from the kitchen,
and music plays in my ears.
Thank you,
Universe,
for all you've given me.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Health Update: Fibromyalgia
As a general update as to my health to my loved ones and friends:
Recently, I have been very ill. As most of you know, I have fibromyalgia. Since it is not a wide-known condition, if you are not familiar with it, please see the articles and information sources listed at the bottom of the post. This will help reduce questions you may have and allow you to have a better frame of reference for what I am going through.
My fibro has been flaring up increasingly frequency and intensity over the last few months to a point where it's been pretty crippling. I'm having difficulty keeping food down, the pain I feel is pervasive throughout my body, I have chronic fatigue and insomnia, among a myriad of other symptoms.
This has been very difficult for me ~ especially this informing those who love and care about me about what I've been going through. My Amandazonian SuperWoman fashion of tanking my way through it has led me to downplay talking about it as much as I should have. I know I'm ill, but I don't want my illness to define me
Rest assured I am taking multiple steps to get well.
I have lost over 40 lbs, I've changed my diet, exercise regularly - even if it's just a walk on bad days. I saw my doctor on Friday and we discussed treatment options. I've gotten some relief from the pain, inflammation, and insomnia through a combination of new medication and vitamins/herbs/stretching exercises. I also discovered I was having a negative reaction to one of my medications, and saw a specialist in regards to that. I know have a team of specialists who are assisting me with various courses of treatment during this time period.
I feel very confident that the various lifestyle and medicinal treatments will have a positive effect, and that I will recover from the severity of the flare up I'm struggling with right now. With the treatment options and adjustments I'm making I expect to have a better understanding of how treatment is progressing in 2-3 weeks with hopefully a marked improvement by 6 weeks.
Due to all this, I've been absent at work fairly frequently, which has led my employer to request I take time off to get better. At this point, I am unable to work. So I am in contact with them to discuss what will happen going forward.
In this same vein, I may have also not responded to texts and/or requests to go out, or seemed a bit off or odd. Please understand if this has happened, it reflects not on you or our relationship, but rather my health. And if I am able to do some things some days, those are turning more into my good days recently.
I don't wish to alarm any of you - simply inform you about what is going on with me, and let you know I am very thankful for the support structure I have - the people I'm fortunate to know and be friends with. The small reminders that I am cared for and loved really do bring a smile to my face, and that is the best way people contribute to helping me feel better.
Thank you all so much,
Amanda
This is a good article helping those who don't have fibromyalgia understand the illness: http://chronicfatigue.about.com/od/whatisfibromyalgia/a/understandfibro.htm
Fibromyalgia - Wikipedia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia - MayoClinic - http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/fibromyalgia/DS00079
Recently, I have been very ill. As most of you know, I have fibromyalgia. Since it is not a wide-known condition, if you are not familiar with it, please see the articles and information sources listed at the bottom of the post. This will help reduce questions you may have and allow you to have a better frame of reference for what I am going through.
My fibro has been flaring up increasingly frequency and intensity over the last few months to a point where it's been pretty crippling. I'm having difficulty keeping food down, the pain I feel is pervasive throughout my body, I have chronic fatigue and insomnia, among a myriad of other symptoms.
This has been very difficult for me ~ especially this informing those who love and care about me about what I've been going through. My Amandazonian SuperWoman fashion of tanking my way through it has led me to downplay talking about it as much as I should have. I know I'm ill, but I don't want my illness to define me
Rest assured I am taking multiple steps to get well.
I have lost over 40 lbs, I've changed my diet, exercise regularly - even if it's just a walk on bad days. I saw my doctor on Friday and we discussed treatment options. I've gotten some relief from the pain, inflammation, and insomnia through a combination of new medication and vitamins/herbs/stretching exercises. I also discovered I was having a negative reaction to one of my medications, and saw a specialist in regards to that. I know have a team of specialists who are assisting me with various courses of treatment during this time period.
I feel very confident that the various lifestyle and medicinal treatments will have a positive effect, and that I will recover from the severity of the flare up I'm struggling with right now. With the treatment options and adjustments I'm making I expect to have a better understanding of how treatment is progressing in 2-3 weeks with hopefully a marked improvement by 6 weeks.
Due to all this, I've been absent at work fairly frequently, which has led my employer to request I take time off to get better. At this point, I am unable to work. So I am in contact with them to discuss what will happen going forward.
In this same vein, I may have also not responded to texts and/or requests to go out, or seemed a bit off or odd. Please understand if this has happened, it reflects not on you or our relationship, but rather my health. And if I am able to do some things some days, those are turning more into my good days recently.
I don't wish to alarm any of you - simply inform you about what is going on with me, and let you know I am very thankful for the support structure I have - the people I'm fortunate to know and be friends with. The small reminders that I am cared for and loved really do bring a smile to my face, and that is the best way people contribute to helping me feel better.
Thank you all so much,
Amanda
This is a good article helping those who don't have fibromyalgia understand the illness: http://chronicfatigue.about.com/od/whatisfibromyalgia/a/understandfibro.htm
Fibromyalgia - Wikipedia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia - MayoClinic - http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/fibromyalgia/DS00079
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Random Happy
Hello random happy.
It's nice to see you here,
for the sun is shining,
and even underwater,
everyone is dancing.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Embrace your Inner Radical Communciation Artist
I see things like this float around on faceboook:
5 DEADLY TERMS USED BY A WOMAN!!!
(1) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is RIGHT & YOU need to SHUT UP.
(2) NOTHING: means SOMETHING & you need to be worried.
(3) GO AHEAD: this is a dare, not permission, DO NOT DO IT.
(4) WHATEVER: A womans way of saying SCREW YOU.
(5) THAT'S OK: She is thinking long & hard on HOW & WHEN you will pay for your mistake.
And I want to post rants about it. I know people think it's funny, but it's only funny because it's so freaking true. Screw 'women' or 'men' they all have their speech patterns that say one thing and mean another.
It drives me nuts and makes me so frustrated. I think all that is just evidence of how poor communicators people have become. If something is *not* okay, say it's *not* okay!!! Mixed signals are funny to everyone who doesn't have to receive them. How much easier would it be to say "I don't like xxxx" than to live your life unhappy and miserable saying things are "Fine" over and over? Seriously, communication is only communicating when you say what you mean, otherwise, it's just confusing. And life is far too confusing already to add to it.
So for those of you who say "Go Ahead" when you really mean "That would really upset me, I'd rather we did XXX together instead, as I miss time with you." (Or WHATEVER) Take a moment before you utter one of those phrases above. Think about what you really mean. AND THEN SAY IT.
HONEST COMMUNICATION is a RADICAL concept.
Embrace your radical nature.
Communicate
5 DEADLY TERMS USED BY A WOMAN!!!
(1) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is RIGHT & YOU need to SHUT UP.
(2) NOTHING: means SOMETHING & you need to be worried.
(3) GO AHEAD: this is a dare, not permission, DO NOT DO IT.
(4) WHATEVER: A womans way of saying SCREW YOU.
(5) THAT'S OK: She is thinking long & hard on HOW & WHEN you will pay for your mistake.
And I want to post rants about it. I know people think it's funny, but it's only funny because it's so freaking true. Screw 'women' or 'men' they all have their speech patterns that say one thing and mean another.
It drives me nuts and makes me so frustrated. I think all that is just evidence of how poor communicators people have become. If something is *not* okay, say it's *not* okay!!! Mixed signals are funny to everyone who doesn't have to receive them. How much easier would it be to say "I don't like xxxx" than to live your life unhappy and miserable saying things are "Fine" over and over? Seriously, communication is only communicating when you say what you mean, otherwise, it's just confusing. And life is far too confusing already to add to it.
So for those of you who say "Go Ahead" when you really mean "That would really upset me, I'd rather we did XXX together instead, as I miss time with you." (Or WHATEVER) Take a moment before you utter one of those phrases above. Think about what you really mean. AND THEN SAY IT.
HONEST COMMUNICATION is a RADICAL concept.
Embrace your radical nature.
Communicate
Friday, June 24, 2011
Fibro Hell
Sick. Not feeling Well. Under the Weather. I tell people I'm having a 'flare up'. Which frankly I think most of the time they view to be this mysterious 'something' that overtakes me. I get quiet, I don't smile as much, I'm a little slow, I make funny noises going up and down stairs. Unless, of course, they too have experience with chronic pain, then they nod in understanding.
I missed three days of work last week.
I hate feeling like I have to *prove* to others I really *am* sick. That yes, I cannot make it into work today.
It takes me up to five minutes on bad days to simply stand up out of bed because the pain in my joints is so intense. I'm in grinding binding spearing pain in my shoulders and hips. And knees. And neck. Sometimes to be touched feels like someone hit me with a heavy fist. I hurt. All over. My shoulder feels as if it's _NEVER_ in place, but simply grindsgrindsgrinds away. My knee? Wonky off center grinding burning to add to the mix. Sprinkle in a malfunctioning brain that is trapped behind a heavy fibro fog that refuses to lift.
With this pain, I don't sleep very well. I can't get comfortable to a point where I can sleep. Even if I cover my shoulder in ice packs and put a heating pad on my knee. I woke up four times on Wednesday and found whole limbs asleep. I had to pick them up and position them to where they would get blood circulation again. And then there's a different kind of stabby ice pick needle pain to process.
Most of the time I'm awake I spend it either thankfully being distracted by something, or internally grimacing trying to process the pain that I'm feeling. That, of course, shows no outward signs. I may limp a little, or hunch my shoulders more, but I can't point to something and have people see my pain.
Socializing is also really difficult when I have a flare up. It's a major effort to focus when someone else speaks, because I hear them through a fog of exhaustion and glaring red lights of agony that are clamoring for my attention. Sometimes it's too difficult to attempt to speak and formulate sentences that are coherent. There's not a lot on my brain other people want to hear about and it's just too much effort to form the words. So a lot of the times I'm pretty quiet when I have a flare up.
I'm just tired of trying to get other people to grasp that I'm not canceling on them because I 'don't feel like it', but rather, I don't feel like I can leave the house and function well enough not to throw up, or grimace in pain continually, or focus long enough to pay attention to their words.
I missed three days of work last week.
I hate feeling like I have to *prove* to others I really *am* sick. That yes, I cannot make it into work today.
It takes me up to five minutes on bad days to simply stand up out of bed because the pain in my joints is so intense. I'm in grinding binding spearing pain in my shoulders and hips. And knees. And neck. Sometimes to be touched feels like someone hit me with a heavy fist. I hurt. All over. My shoulder feels as if it's _NEVER_ in place, but simply grindsgrindsgrinds away. My knee? Wonky off center grinding burning to add to the mix. Sprinkle in a malfunctioning brain that is trapped behind a heavy fibro fog that refuses to lift.
With this pain, I don't sleep very well. I can't get comfortable to a point where I can sleep. Even if I cover my shoulder in ice packs and put a heating pad on my knee. I woke up four times on Wednesday and found whole limbs asleep. I had to pick them up and position them to where they would get blood circulation again. And then there's a different kind of stabby ice pick needle pain to process.
Most of the time I'm awake I spend it either thankfully being distracted by something, or internally grimacing trying to process the pain that I'm feeling. That, of course, shows no outward signs. I may limp a little, or hunch my shoulders more, but I can't point to something and have people see my pain.
Socializing is also really difficult when I have a flare up. It's a major effort to focus when someone else speaks, because I hear them through a fog of exhaustion and glaring red lights of agony that are clamoring for my attention. Sometimes it's too difficult to attempt to speak and formulate sentences that are coherent. There's not a lot on my brain other people want to hear about and it's just too much effort to form the words. So a lot of the times I'm pretty quiet when I have a flare up.
I'm just tired of trying to get other people to grasp that I'm not canceling on them because I 'don't feel like it', but rather, I don't feel like I can leave the house and function well enough not to throw up, or grimace in pain continually, or focus long enough to pay attention to their words.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
bits of broken thoughts....
~.~
The world is very busy with itself
So many parts, churning,
grinding, maneuvering around each other
through and against each other.
Burying the meaning in mindlessness.
~06.09.11~
My dreams eat at me.
It's in the faded parts
of shadow dream memories
that I see.
I see the pit of the fruit
I wasn’t supposed to eat.
Slick with juice,
Soft and bruised,
Colors pulsing,
flavors shifting,
the fruit turning to dirt
then dust
on my tongue
The rot consumes,
spreading,
decaying.
I consume the fruits
borne of twisted stories
in a mind
that eats at itself on the inside.
The world is very busy with itself
So many parts, churning,
grinding, maneuvering around each other
through and against each other.
Burying the meaning in mindlessness.
~06.09.11~
My dreams eat at me.
It's in the faded parts
of shadow dream memories
that I see.
I see the pit of the fruit
I wasn’t supposed to eat.
Slick with juice,
Soft and bruised,
Colors pulsing,
flavors shifting,
the fruit turning to dirt
then dust
on my tongue
The rot consumes,
spreading,
decaying.
I consume the fruits
borne of twisted stories
in a mind
that eats at itself on the inside.
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