Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Blissed Out.

Okay, I have four "draft" posts and haven't posted anything legit in more than a week.  I know it's Christmas and everything, but it's really not my excuse.  I've been really blissing out here recently.  Absolutely completely just *happy* every day pretty much all day for about a week now.  I'm not sure I could really translate and make people understand why since it's mainly been very mundane, simple, things....but I don't much care.  I'm very very happy.  And that, my friends, is beautiful.

I guess I could explain the fundaments by saying time off from work is beautiful.  Simply beautiful.  I had a great Christmas party at work.  Paul got his kilt I bought him (pictures to come soon).  We did some shopping for that (belts/socks/tights/etc...).  That was super fun.  I've ate amazing food at multiple different restaurants.  I spent some time with some great friends - a good good friend came up from SanFran.  I bonded a lot with Paul (insert adorable "awwwww" here).  Shot pool and drank beer one night a week ago that was beyond amazing.  Got some smashing deals on AMAZING clothes daaaaahrling!!!  Denim mini skirt for $3 or so, which you will see soon in my first attempt at doing the layering look.  (I'm not super happy about the pictures, as I'm always missing one or two pieces crucial to make an outfit work.  But meh.)  I finally found sweater tights for over 1/2 off.  And I've had a few major but beautiful revelations internally regarding what I want out of myself/life that will change my future.  I introduced myself to a couple of gorgeous people one night at our neighborhood bar, and now we have new years eve plans.  And...........

On one bliss ladened day when Paul and I were wandering around, eating and shopping, I ran into a poet who stole my heart from the first time I met his soul in a poem.  I bought a book leather bound from him on the street outside of Denunzios in Pioneer Square a few years ago.  Completely random purchase, but it was absolutely beautiful.  It was a journal of a cross country journey and some poetry sprinkled in.  I devoured it.  After my boyfriend had gone to bed, I crept outside on my little balcony, smoking late into the night with only the glow of twinkle lights wrapped around our balcony to light my way.  I felt raw and exposed.  Loved and challenged by the choices I'd made in my life that I knew weren't what I wanted for myself.  I felt like someone was speaking for the person inside of me I had let die.  And it allowed me to feel like I was with him on that journey across the land and time, feeling what he felt, the ennui, the passion, the fierce freedom and wild need and genuine disdain for the grinding monotony that can ensnare.  Frankly - I felt that it reflected my own soul's journey and I was in love. "Fight, Flight, and Surrender" by Brett McGibbon.

If you read his stuff and understand it - you'll understand me.  The only thing I keep coming back to to help describe why his writing is SO amazing and why I feel so moved by it - is that our souls have traveled down the same path - we may have had different environments, different experiences, different time frames, different outsides - but the essence of who we are is traveling side by side, or in a consecutive line, and his words and feelings resonate with me in an indescribable way.  He's the only writer I've truly felt knows the inner corners of my soul, the essence of who I am.  Feeling as if through his writing and how he expresses himself he has perfectly put every indescribable gnawing gnashing freeing exhilarating experience I've ever experienced.  Gave me a voice to what I had inside when I never thought I'd find mine. He has a good soul/a good heart/a trueness to him that is so very hard to find.  I found him again a few days ago, outside the same restaurant, selling his leather bound books to passerbyes.  I'd searched for him for a while, but never could find him.  And on that day I walked out of that restaurant while he was walking in.  I went back and asked him, "Are you that poet who sold books outside this store." And we had a GREAT conversation.  I cannot wait to talk to him again in person, perhaps a bit more in depth.  So I bought his first novel, Lucifer's Redemption, 8 years in the making.

And every time I read his works, I resolve I'm going take it slow, because when I read it an openness blooms and expounds and transforms peeling off larger and larger layers of honest, pure, lightness of heart.  Emotions become everything.  I guess it's like a personal, emotional, inspirational epiphany.  And invariably every time I devour his words like they will vanish if I don't read them.  I cannot wait to take it all in and feel that amazing feeling of connectedness, the feeling that someone who doesn't even know me really and truly understands me.
I know this (and his website) might be a little hokey, but his writing is amazing.  Please, if you ever get the chance to read one of his books/poetry/journal - do.  Don't wait.  Please.  Go to his website, order something, and give it a chance to change your perspective, perhaps change your heart.

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