Arduous Operoseness

"The greater the difficulty, the more the glory in surmounting it."
Epicurus

Since last Saturday I've been pushing pretty hard on my body and it's effecting me quite a bit. I've only been getting 7 hours of sleep or less in the last few days and with my workload I should at least be getting 9. 10 is even better to allow my body to recuperate. I'm not drinking enough water - which had had some negative side effects, but now I know what's causing it I can rectify it, so I'm thinking of water as crucial to my progress as my caloric needs. And starting from 3/4/09 I'll include that in my tracking. Sunday to Tuesday I've built up a 2835 calorie deficit, so my body's not really getting enough to eat either.

I definitly paid for it this morning riding in. My pedaling technique was barely present. Lots of jerky uncontrolled movements, very spastic. I also wanted to focus on relaxing my upper body on the ride in, but I could barely stay awake on the bike, let alone have proper muscle control to relax my upper body. And when you can barely stay awake while you're riding on your bike - that's pretty bad. My easiest gears felt like they were some of the hardest. I felt like I was pushing against half set concrete.

It's weird - I feel like my body is wasting away, but it's also heavy, jerky, uncoordinated and tired. The lack of sleep is also contributing to a far away feeling in relation to my mind and body - a disconnectedness and lack of mental alertiveness that's difficult to overcome. Everything is slow - me on my bike, my brain, my body, my reflexes.

I really do believe that negative experiences can teach you valuable lessons, but I really wish I didn't have to learn this way. But I'm going down a road I've never been down before and while I've been getting really good advice from friends and books and resources, my body is unique and I'm doing something to it not most people do, so the changes and the limits it has are very individualistic. I'm doing the best I can with the knowledge I have now, which is the most anyone can do at any point in their life.

And even though what I'm doing is probably the most lengthy intensive difficult thing I've ever tried to accomplish, it's worth every moment and bruise and pain and exhausted day. Because to not do this would be to cop out and "The path of least resistance leads to nowhere."

And I have better places to be.

*Last quote by Andrew's uncle