Thursday, January 27, 2011

choices choices choices

I've had to make a lot of decisions lately.  Some areas I don't have a lot of experience in the subject, some of the decisions scare me in their importance, some are simply day to day decisions. Decisions ARE important - they determine the course of your life, the path your headed down.  Decisions have also been really complicated and scary  for me sometimes.  There's churning in my hollow spaces, knots of dread in my stomach, swirling vortexes of endless loops in my brain, and a cloudy confusion that warps my perspective and makes everything a little too fuzzy around the edges. 

In the beginning I think I was simply afraid of being wrong.  I wanted so badly to be SuperWoman and perfect that I stopped dead in my tracks when I had to chose a path because there IS no path that leads to perfect.  My goal wasn't realistic.  I cannot be perfect.  I cannot please everyone.  I cannot maintain everything all the time. 

It's time for a shift - for me to redefine - really define - in concrete, articulate, quantifiable and measurable ways my long term personal goals.  I also need to clarify and articulate which basic moral principles guide me the most in my life - which are most important to me that I rely on when making important decisions.

These things when used as a measuring device against life decisions and situations, allow me to deal with decisions in an ....almost......easy manner.  It's amazing.  I have a situation.  I can react several different ways.  I can go through this beautiful process of elimination and logical reasoning and deduction. 

Which choices are contrary to my end goals?  Throw those choices out.  It doesn't matter if I really really really really want it or if the other options are way harder - if it doesn't line up with my basic morals and long term personal goals, it's not an option for me.  After throwing the ones that don't measure up out - I'm typically left with a few options that result in consequences that are in the direction I want to go.  I feel liberated.  Relieved.  Free.  It's like trying to cut a piece of ham with a spoon all your life, and then someone hands you a sharp knife and a fork.  Eureka!  TOOLS!  They WORK!

So I get the awesome chance to create this amazing tool to measure my decisions up against. I'm SO excited.  What do I want in my future?  How do I want my life to progress?  What are my dreams?  What things do I want surrounding me?  What things do I want to celebrate in my life?  Because each decision I make is celebrating a way of life I'm chosing for myself

.....which means it's time to sit down and be a schedule list making glitter goddess!  Why glitter?  Because it makes the calendars and graphs so much prettier!

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