Friday, November 5, 2010

Being Honest

There's an episode of That 70's Show about a bunch of hippi stoner contractors 'redesigning' a basement - ending up just moving everything 2 inches to the left. 

"It's like Art MAN! -  I call it 'Basement.......two inches to the left'". 

That phrase gets stuck in my head when I have a perspective shift.  Same environment, same people, same world......but my perspective has shifted.....two inches to the left, man!  Suddenly everything is in a slightly different light. It's scary sometimes, when something you've seen one way your whole life suddenly has new contours, new shapes, shadows that didn't exist before.  But as a good friend of mine said - Buildings shift and settle in order to take weight.  It's a natural occurrence that ensures the stability of the building.  Shifting is the stabilizing force.

And I've been settling into the soul of myself more and more recently, loveing and appreciating the person who's skin I live in.  It's come through a lot of different shifts in the way I've been thinking and what I think is important.

The word Priority has meaning!  And, like usual, I've been analyzing everything about it.  What is important to me, how I demonstrate that it's important, what decisions I make now and how I carry them out - they matter!  I saw this amazing RSA Animation  video about time consciousness that really had an impact and helped me understand why I think and act some of the ways I do.  It was really interesting - I'd suggest checking them all out. 

Another short was about empathy.  Being quite empathetic myself, it really started gears turning in my head about how I act.  Realizing the basics of how empathy functions in the brain, and pondering the historical purposes it's served, and how I utilize that skill now gave me a few new ideas on how to proceed in the future.  I want to honestly connect to others in ways that are healthy and mutually benefitial.  I want that balance where you operate in a relationship all parties ultimately benefited, not having anyone compromise who they are or compromise important boundaries they've laid down for themselves.  See a theme here?  Relationships, communication, boundaries, intentions, honesty?

So yeah, boundaries have been a big as well.  Which ones I should place where, how to communicate them, how I feel about them.  Communicating those effectively. Communication Skills For The WIN! It's amazing - when you ask for what you need, more often than not - you get it!  It's also important to be specific with the words that I use - being CLEAR.  Not mincing things because I'm squeamish I might offend someone.

A dear friend of mine, who's 18, gave me a 2" shift in perspective when I proclaimed there are parts of me I'm scared other people might not accept.

"We're adults now.  We can be who we are and do what we want.  If other people don't you because of who you are, that's their problem.  If I worried about what people thought of me, I couldn't do my job. (She's a model)."

I felt so silly that someone almost a decade younger than I am had a more established grounded response in that than I did.  But then again, if she can do it, so can I.  So I've been increasingly being open and honest about who I am.

Part of that is coming out as polyamourous to those in my life, and as bisexual.  Something not everyone understands or accepts, but I'm grateful that I live in a community that accepts and supports me as I am.  And that I can, through being honest about who I am, creating intentional relationships that are meaningful and lasting.  It's a beautiful thing to develop deeper appreciations for relationships I have with others, and so liberating to realize that they don't have to look like any preconceived notion of what a relationship is by standard majority.  I am blessed to have such an abundance of beautiful loving caring people in my life.

So in short...working on being awesome in relationships, communication, boundaries, intentions, and letting honesty guide my heart and my life.

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